Out on my own

Last week was an amazing week for me, probably the best I've had in a LONG time. Anxiety didn't seem to be present much, or if it was I didn't notice, think about it or try to analyse every little detail to find out what was causing it. There were things I wanted to do and I was going to do them regardless of 'how I was feeling'. Usually I won't book appointments in advance or arrange things with people as I always want to wait and 'see how I feel' or I find that I feel under pressure and get overly anxious days beforehand so bad that I don't sleep, can't relax at all and usually end up not doing what I had planned. Last week, however, I was on a mission. 

I had been wanting to go for a massage for ages, as months of anxiety and tension was giving me pain in my neck and shoulders and I wanted to see if a massage would relieve it a bit. I noticed a deal on groupon for a salon in my area offering a massage, facial & nails done for a third of the price and I really wanted the massage so I bought the deal. The initial appointment I booked I had to cancel on the day as I was so anxious about it, there was no way I could go. I was so disappointed and angry at myself for letting anxiety win again so I arranged the appointment for the next week. I was determined I was going, there was no way anxiety was stopping me but then came another obstacle; nobody would be available to give me a lift to the appointment, my only option was to get a taxi and go on my own. 'Fine' I told myself ' that's what I'll do' my anxiety was telling me a different story though... 'You can't do it, you haven't went anywhere on your own for years... you'll have the worst panic attack ever... just cancel it and lose the money... you'll feel safe if you don't' These thoughts were constantly in my head. I remembered something my therapist told me to try. She told me not to try and block the thoughts out cause that won't work, but accept them & take them for what they are. They're only thoughts, they aren't rigid facts. I give all my 'scary' thoughts way to much credit. I have a million fleeting thoughts a day and unless they are 'scary' I'm able to pretty much dismiss them. I feel I need to hold onto the scary ones. I guess I feel that if I hold onto them I'll be keeping myself safe because I don't want anything bad to happen and I fear that if I dismiss it something bad will happen to me. I've gave these thoughts control for far too long and it's pretty much wrecked my life. I can't do it anymore. If a 'normal' person went to go outside and thought 'If I go out there something might happen... I might die' They'd be thinking WTF? and then get on with what they were intending on doing. If it happens to me I think 'That's right something could happen. I don't want to go out... at least if I stay here I'll feel better and then if anything did happen nobody would be able to see me'. Then I try to analyse everything that's just happened and it goes round and round in circles. It pretty exhausting and It's no wonder I never feel good. I feel like I'm either constantly anxious, scared or battling with myself to be normal. 

So, anyway - I rambled a bit there! - I made my mind up that I was going and not content with that challenge I decided to book a driving lesson for the same day - 'In for a penny, In for a pound' - I could either set myself up for a complete fail or I could keep thinking that I can do it. I didn't really have anything to lose as I've been anxious almost all of the time the last few months, so I was going for it.

The day came and I felt like the worlds biggest idiot. How on earth was I going to manage hours out on my own followed by a driving lesson??! To say I felt ill would have been an understatement! I got dressed and phoned the taxi. Within 15 minutes of phoning the taxi, I was seated in the salon. It was so busy and I hadn't been prepared for it and the panic started to rise all I could think was that I had to leave. I was given forms to fill out which I could hardly fill in as I was shaking so much. After a 40 minute wait I was finally called into the small room for my massage and facial. It was lit by candles, smelt amazing and relaxation music was playing in the background. I began to think I could do this again. I never fully relaxed during the treatment, I kept thinking about all the things that could go wrong at one point I was even thinking what if I have an allergic reaction to the products for the facial! I worry about everything! I had explained to the beautician about my panic attacks and when waiting for the face mask to washed off she give me a mini reiki session. I had been wanting to try reiki but had never got round to it. It did make me feel a bit more relaxed but really that was all I experienced, nothing amazing happened. By the time it came to getting my nails done I was quite relaxed which had me feeling pretty confident about my driving lesson a few hours later.

The driving lesson went well, I was a bit panicky at times but I did manage to keep it under control. We stayed local to ease me back in, which helped a lot since I haven't drove in about a year and was a bit rusty. I've had a fair few lessons before but anxiety, panic & agoraphobia have always got in the way and I've had to end them. This time though I determined to stick with it. I shouldn't be too far away from sitting my test and my theory test runs out in 6 months so I need to pass it within that time so I don't need to resit & pay for another theory test. I did have another lesson tonight and I notice a huge improvement in both my anxiety and my driving! which is good. Ironically thought tonight I had a panic attack right before the lesson but ended up feeling calmer than I did last week! I have another booked for next week and I'm hoping it goes just as well as it did tonight. When I came home tonight I was feeling great. It was fantastic to do something 'normal' and because I noticed an improvement from last week my confidence has grown as well. It's fair to say that at the moment I'm feeling pretty good.

I don't get it.

Today has been a huge success but has also been a bit of a downer. The huge success was that I was able to go out for a family meal and actually feel partly 'normal' for quite a bit of it. Anxiety did set in towards the end of the meal but it was bearable and I was actually able to finish a meal in public! This is a huge deal. Usually if I'm eating in public, after a few bites my stomach is in knots and I literally cannot swallow anymore food. So to actually be able to eat a meal is amazing! The restaurant was quite busy but there was plenty of space so I wasn't feeling too claustrophobic which was definitely helpful. Another good sign was that I didn't have to use the toilets. Usually when I go into somewhere the first thing I do is find out where the toilets are 'just in case' and then proceed to make several trips, trying to decrease my anxiety but tonight I didn't have to. I didn't try going to the shops today as I knew I was going to go out for dinner and didn't want to push myself too much but I will be back to trying to go to the shop tomorrow.

This is what's bothering me, since I've came home tonight my anxiety levels have been quite high. My health anxiety in particular has increased considerably. Not sure if I blogged about this, but for the last 6 weeks I've been having throat problems and a lot of the symptoms are symptoms of throat cancer. Now, I'm only 24 and I don't smoke and very rarely drink so I am aware that the chances of me having throat cancer are very slim but my anxiety likes to tell me otherwise. I went to the doctor last week and she told me she thought it was caused by my tooth. I disagree and I don't feel she done a thorough check of my throat. Anyway, today after I came out the shower I coughed up a bit of blood. This immediately sent me into a panic. I tried to fill out a panic attack thought record (similar to this one),  which the psychologist gave me to fill in when I had a panic attack, and under the part where you write a rational thought I couldn't think of any rational thought as to why I was coughing up blood. I can usually always think of something rational to put in the box but surely coughing up blood isn't a good sign? To top it off I also had bleeding in my bowel movements again tonight which I'm not overly anxious about as I'm starting to believe this is caused by internal hemorrhoids but my doctor did say that if it happened again he would recommend a scope - which I'm not feeling too great about! I just feel that at the moment my body seems to be falling apart. It feels that just when I'm getting better mentally, my body is giving up. At times I just wish I could get a break. Something always seems to go wrong and it's exhausting constantly trying to battle through it. If it's not my mind, it's my body etc. It's hard not to just think 'fuck it' and just give up. I don't plan on giving up but today has definitely been one of those testing days.

My thoughts are driving me mad!

For about 8 months now I've been suffering from severe anxiety, it's hard to believe that this time last year I had minimal anxiety. I would give anything to go back there, what's worse is that I took it for granted then. I still couldn't go out on my own and still didn't have any friends etc, but it really didn't seem to bother me that much now, however it bothers me a lot. By the time this year ends I will be 24, one year away from my 'scary' age and I've achieved nothing. This also marks my 8th year of fighting agoraphobia! I'm still waiting for that day where I wake up miraculously 'cured'. Now, everything is bothering me. I don't want to be 24, I feel like I'm getting old, it doesn't help that everyone keeps reminding me of this fact and when will I get a boyfriend, job, kids etc. It's too much pressure. I give myself enough pressure, I certainly don't need hearing it from everyone else.

I feel this pressure that I HAVE to get better and I HAVE to get better NOW and the more I think this the more anxious I become. It's almost like I feel I'm running out of time. I don't know how to fix it. I spoke with the psychologist about this but he just said that this was normal -that was it, which I didn't find too helpful. We're currently also working on keeping an activity diary to look at what I do on a daily basis - which quite frankly is nothing! It is making me a bit down to look at my life in black and white. Basically I spend my days online, reading, watching tv or cleaning. That's it. So the next part of the task was to do something once a day i.e. exercise, go a walk or just leave the house and go somewhere. This has also been a challenge. Without sounding like I'm making excuses, me going out isn't as easy as everyone else. I need my Mum to be able to go out and lately she has been busy so I've probably only managed to get out about 3 times a week. When we do go out too it's always to the same places: supermarkets! Good for increasing my exposure to them but it's getting monotonous now and when I'm bored my anxiety shoots up. There is literally nowhere else I can go. As for the exercise, I've spoke about my phobia of this, and most of the time I really struggle to do any exercise. The two reasons for this are: I believe I have a heart problem and when I exercise it feels like I'm going to have a panic attack. I feel like I'm making excuses about not being able to do them so it's got to the stage where I lie when I go to sessions which I shouldn't because It won't help me but I'm afraid that they will say I'm not trying hard enough and stop my sessions like the last psychologist did.

My head feels like it's one big jumble of thoughts that are all muddled up and I don't where to start to sort them all out! Mostly they're about how much of a mess my life is. Every single area of my life is f*cked, there's  not one that I am 'normal'. I read/talk to agoraphobics that are able to work, have relationships, have friends, have kids and while I'm happy that they that they have these things in their lives I can't help but be envious. I have none of these things and I don't want to feel sorry for myself but it would be nice for something good to happen in my life. It's been years since someone so much as gave me a cuddle. Every conversation I have revolves around anxiety, money problems, my problems or other peoples problems. There's nothing fun and I miss that a lot. Everything is so serious all the time. I also can't help but think all this is what's contributing to my anxiety and if it is, I can have all the CBT in the world but I doubt it'll help.

This has been a bit of a whiny/woe is me post, which doesn't make for great reading but it's how I'm feeling and it's a true account of what I'm going through with my anxiety. I do however, have a positive thing to end with. I actually made myself walk to the shop on my own. This wouldn't be a big deal to most people as it's a short distance from my house but to me it's a really big deal. To me, the walk to the shop was always an unattainable goal - I don't know why because I've done things which have been a lot harder - and I was really happy that I done it. It's made it seem much more achievable and I've set myself a goal that I want to have walked there again twice by Friday, although to achieve this, the bloody weather will have to improve. Being battered with rain and wind whilst feeling dizzy and having a case of the jelly legs doesn't sound appealing.

Hope you are all well!

L x

My posts are getting further and further apart...

I've not had anything to write lately mainly because nothing much has been happening and also because I've not been in the mood to communicate with anyone. My anxiety has died down considerably and I'm at that stage where I'm constantly thinking 'How did I let it get that bad again?'. I always swore that I would never go back to that place I was in years ago and I genuinely believed I wouldn't but for whatever reason something happened towards the end of Feb/beginning of March and sucked me straight back into that overwhelming anxiety and I had forgot how to deal with it. I don't actually even know how I got myself back out of it but I am and that's the main thing.

I'm about to contradict myself here... I'm incredibly lonely just now but at the same time I can't be bothered talking to anyone or interacting with them, at all. Not that I have many people that I can talk to anyway. I seem to be feeling a 'blah' and a stuck. I don't know what to do with my life. It feels like every direction or decision I take/make is wrong and I end up paying the consequence for it, mainly through my anxiety. All my enjoyment of things seems to have vanished. I rarely listen to music anymore, I hardly read and It's a huge effort to get myself dressed - mainly cause I don't see the point. I'm not going out and I hardly see anyone. Doing nothing every day is getting me down too. I have no structure and nothing to focus on. All my days blur into one. It feels like I sit about all day waiting to go to bed. I hate bedtime because that's when I get anxious. 'Will I get to sleep?'...'what if I don't sleep'...'I'm sure my heart is beating too fast'....'I'm going to die'...'I'm scared' - These are the general thoughts I now get at bedtime and this viscous circle goes on for hours and I wonder why I can't sleep. 


Bizarrely the last 3 nights I have dreamt that I was pregnant, which I'm definitely not! So I looked it up online. Apparently to dream you are pregnant 'symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. Being pregnant in your dream may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal' - Is it just me or does anyone else relate everything that they see or read to their anxiety? I have no idea what it can mean but I definitely hope that one area of my life 'grows and develops' I'm not even fussy about which area it may be!


 I'm still only young but I feel so old. I feel like I'm never going to get my life back. How do you rebuild your life after anxiety and agoraphobia? I've not been out in the big bad world on my own in 6 years. I've always had protection and someone there to help me feel safe. How do you make friends? How do you get a job? ... I've not got any work experience and I have no qualifications except 8 GCSE's/standard grades which effectively count for nothing. My dream was to go to uni and anxiety came at a crucial point in my education and  uni wasn't an option anymore. Everyone tells me I can still go but it's not the same as I planned and It's more complicated now. I have my own house and part of my rent is paid for me because I live on benefits so going to uni isn't an option because I wouldn't know how I would cope, I would have to give up my benefits and would have to rely financially on myself. A part time job wouldn't be enough to support myself and pay my rent and getting a full time job with no qualifications still isn't enough to support me and pay my rent! How does that work out? Last year someone working for the Job Centre Plus actually told me my only option was to have a baby! I know I'm not ready to work or be in education full time but these are the worries I have. I feel that the only was I can overcome this now is to force myself to go into the big bad world and work. What I've been doing all this time hasn't been working and I'm running out of options and it feels like I'm running out of time too. 

It's been a while...

since I last wrote. Things have been weird. My anxiety has either been really awful or non-existent... there's been nothing inbetween. One day can be hell and the next I can be very manageable. This is really unusual for me, I either have periods of being fine or having severe anxiety... not changing on a daily basis. Who knows what's going on! I really wish it would piss off though!

I'm actually really worried about my health at the moment. I always worry about my health and at my first appointment with the psychologist I was diagnosed with health anxiety, which does make sense as my health is what I  really worry about all the time. However, this time is different. Usually when I worry about something being wrong with me I get anxious and panicky about it but deep down I kind of know that it's just my anxiety. Just now I am 100% convinced that I have cancer. I'm still having the rectal bleeding on and off, and I've developed new symptoms which are really worrying me. I'm sweating all the time and waking up during the night soaked through with sweat. I've been thinking that it's summer and it'll be warmer know but I don't think that's what it is. I'm also getting stomach pains now which I hadn't been having. Last week I also have severe pain in my back and my hip and it felt like there was something there but I couldn't feel anything. Cancer seems to be everywhere at the moment (or I'm just looking out for it) and it's like I can't get away from it. I really am terrified. I can't even explain how terrified I am. When I think about it I actually go cold and numb and I feel sick to my stomach. I worked up the courage to go for the blood tests 2 weeks ago but they wouldn't take me because my card said it was non-urgent and they would only take urgent blood tests. They then wouldn't let me make an appointment to go for the tests. I was told that I would have to come back and sit all day to wait for them to get done. There's no way I can do that with the way my agoraphobia is at the moment, getting there the first time was hard enough. I did hand in a stool sample (lovely) which came back fine but I don't know what this was tested for so I don't know what that means. I know I need to get the bloods done and I am planning on going next week. I'm scared of getting the results for them too. What if there is something? I don't think I could cope with that. I've spent the last 7 years not coping with a 'what if there was something wrong with me?' worry which has taken over my whole life.

I'm on my own majority of the time as well which isn't helping at all. I have nothing to distract me. I just sit and worry all the time. When I do have company I'm still half away in my own little world. When I do get to the stage where I'm panicking I have nobody I can talk to and take my mind off it. I think that's the worst part of my anxiety and agoraphobia - I've lost everybody that was in my life. I'm just pretty much on my own all the time. It's difficult. My friends were always really important to me and not having them in my life is really difficult to cope with. I miss laughing...I miss having stupid problems that I used to have. I can remember a time when having a spot was the end of the world. I often wish I was one of those people who just don't think about anything and do what they want. I suppose I just want to be 'normal' and not put myself through hell all the time.

Overcoming My Exercise Phobia

One of the many phobia's that I've developed since having panic disorder and agoraphobia is a phobia to exercise. The reason for this is due to the fact that my anxiety causes me to believe that I have a heart problem so in my mind if I exercise, it will put a strain on my heart and basically I'll collapse and die. So I avoid exercise at all cost - actually I avoid anything that makes my heart race or anything that could put a strain on my heart.

I can't remember when I developed this phobia. I do remember at one point reading in the news about a lot of young people collapsing and dying from heart problems (SAD) while exercising and I suppose my brain picked up on this. Since I've had the phobia there have been two young people that my Dad knows who have died from this, one was 20 and the other 19, both appeared to be in perfect health but one day just collapsed and that was it. I my head I just thought it could happen to me. For it supposedly being so rare what are the odds of hearing about 2 people it has happened to? I worry about my heart almost all the time and I find it scary how quickly someone can go from being healthy to dead.

When I was 15 my doctor was concerned that I had a fast heart rate and wanted to investigate it - at this point my anxiety wasn't that bad so I thought it would be nothing - so I was sent to have an ECG. The results weren't explained to me I was just told that everything seemed ok and that was it. Two years ago I was sent for another ECG because of the fast heart rate again and also because I was having palpitations. Again I was told everything seemed fine my heart rate was just fast but it was in a steady rhythm. My worry is, how reliable is an ECG? Surely nothing will show up unless I'm actually having palpitations at the time. This fear has caused me to live and behave like I do have a heart problem.

Yesterday I decided that enough was enough. I've been behaving like this for almost 7 years! If I ever want to get better I'm going to have to work through my fears and I'm starting with exercise. I do own my own exercise equipment so that's good I can start off in the house and build my confidence and eventually I hope to be able to go to the gym so that not everything is centered around staying indoors. I own a treadmill, exercise bike and dumbbells etc. Quite a lot of rubbish actually for someone who is phobic exercise but I always thought that if I could get into a regular exercise routine my anxiety would lessen a lot. So much like the same way as you would undergo exposure therapy when going outside, I'm going to gradually expose myself to exercise. So today I started with the exercise bike. I managed 5 mins and 32 secs before I started to get uncomfortable so I stopped before it escalated into panic. I now have something to build on. It's going to take a huge effort to keep it up I'm rubbish at sticking to things. I guess I just need to remind myself of how much I want to get better and that, depressingly, I'm not getting any younger and there's so much I want to do.

Small steps and General worrying

So it's been a good few weeks since I was last out (never thought i'd go back to that again!) to be honest the thought of going out is making me severely anxious and ill again so I've been avoiding it! Wrong thing to do I know but I seem to have lost all my energy to fight it at the moment. I'm hoping it makes an appearance again soon! Anyway yesterday my mum seemed to have had enough of me not doing anything to fight the way the I was feeling so I was made to go a drive in the car. We didn't drive far, it was about 2 miles there and then 2 miles back. I wasn't as anxious as I had anticipated but it was a constant battle with my anxious brain to stop thinking of all the possible terrifying things that could have possibly happened. I did manage it though and I feel more positive - after all it wasn't what I had expected, although it never is!

I mentioned previously that i'd been having stomach problems but wasn't sure if they were related to anxiety or not because i've never had any problems there before. The stomach problems have been causing me a bit of anxiety but this was intensified last week when I started suffering from rectal bleeding. With out going in to too much detail, I have had this before but this time was different - there was a lot more blood for a start. I've now had this happen 4 times in the last 10 days and I'm panicking about it. My head keeps telling me I have cancer and although highly unlikely there's a huge part of me that believes it. I can't think of anything else that would cause the stomach problems and the bleeding. After the first couple of times it happened my Mum made me an emergency appointment to see the doctor, which I then cancelled because it stopped and I didn't think it was an emergency. However, I have since made another appointment which is on Wednesday and to be honest it seems to dragging in!

Also on Wednesday I have my first appointment with the psychologist. I'm really hoping that this helps because I really feel like i'm falling to pieces at the moment.

Fear and stomach problems?

The last couple of days have been horrible! The night I wrote the post about picking up my prescription I didn't get a wink of sleep. I went to bed after writing the post and my anxiety was off the scale. Being on my own really wasn't helping, I keep thinking 'What if something happens to me? There's nobody here to help me.' obviously if something awful really was happening I could phone someone but I would probably feel guilty for phoning someone in the middle of the night, dying or not!

By the time morning came it was really getting unbearable, I just really wanted to get some sleep and to not have to think. But I couldn't shut my thoughts off for 2 seconds let alone enough time to fall asleep. I spent the whole day in my bed. I felt stuck and really dizzy. The thought of getting up made me feel worse and I envisioned everything to spin and for it all to be out of control. Eventually at 8 that night my Mum came to see me and saw the state I was in and I ended up managing to go to hers and stay.  That must have calmed me because by 10 I was out cold!

Another symptom I've been having, which is new, is really bad stomach problems. Around about before Christmas I was suffering on and off with bouts of nausea. Which at times were quite bad and then in January I noticed that every time I eat it felt like my food was just sitting in my stomach and not digesting. I wasn't really worried about this at all but the last few days it's been awful. I suffered from heartburn for 2 days solid and my stomach has been in agony. The heartburn has gone now thankfully! but my stomach still feels a bit iffy. I'm not really sure what's happening, it's getting to the stage that I'm starting to get a bit anxious about eating because I don't want to trigger the heartburn or have that uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I'm also wondering if it's related to my anxiety that i'm having just now but i'm also wondering if this could be a catalyst to the anxiety i'm having? I don't know, my head feels a mess too right now!

Just now I'm still at my Mum's. I went home for a little while earlier today and my anxiety was quite bad, I kept thinking 'The last time I was here I was really anxious, What if it happens again?' So I need to get a grip on that. I can't be scared to stay in my own house!

The fear I've been experiencing is unbelievable. I keep thinking I'm going to die and I don't feel safe anywhere. I don't want people to be near me but I don't want to be alone. I keep envisioning myself getting really dizzy and ambulances coming and me being rushed to hospital. Then I tell myself it's ok, it's just anxiety - it'll pass. Then I start to worry '...but what if it's not anxiety? What if it's something real this time?' and it just keeps going round in circles! I'm constantly putting myself through hell and I do worry the effect it's having on me psychically and mentally. I just can't remember how I break the circle!

I Finally Picked Up The Prescription...

... now all I have to do is find the courage to take them! I kind of decided yesterday that I was going to start today by taking a quarter! Laughable I know but I thought If I done that I would be less anxious about taking them and I wouldn't suffer any side effects. When It came time to take it today though I couldn't do it. Another reason I wanted to take a quarter of the tablet is I read in 'The anxiety and phobia workbook' by Edmund J. Bourne that to minimize side effects you should start off on a low dose of the meds and increase over time, for Zoloft (sertraline) he recommended 10mg and you would get this by quartering it. He also goes on to say that you should gradually increase up to a tablet a day over a period of several weeks. I wish I could stop being so bloody stupid and just take it!! I feel so bad at the moment but I don't want to feel worse and my fear is that taking the meds will send my anxiety even more out of control than it already is.

I was doing well with the Paul McKenna Mp3 but the last 2 nights I haven't done it. I can;t even blame anxiety for not listening I just couldn't be bothered I was in a bit of a downer and it felt like the last thing I wanted to do. I went out yesterday but it was horrible, I didn't feel anxious when I got up so I suggested going out for a while to see if it would reduce my anxiety. I kind of wish I hadn't bothered, after 10 mins in the car I was really anxious and wanted to go home. I didn't though. We got into the supermarket and I couldn't cope. I had to stand at the clothes section which was relatively quiet and then after 15 minutes I had to leave. I did go to another shop after that just so I felt I wasn't giving in but that was a nightmare too. I felt so drained and so tired even though I had a good nights sleep. All I could think was a few weeks ago, this was so easy easy for me to do. How can it have got so bad so fast?

Identifying Thinking Errors

I was looking at an old anxiety workbook last night and came across a piece of paper which I had wrote a long list of questions down which you might ask yourself to identify thinking errors. I decided I'd type them up here, they might help you, they might not. So the questions were:

Am I jumping to the worst possible conclusion? (Catastrophising)


Am I thinking in extreme - all or nothing - terms? (Black and white thinking)


Am I using words like 'always' and 'never' to draw generalised conclusions from a specific event? (Overgeneralising)


Am I predicting the future instead of waiting to see what happens? (fortune-telling?)


Am I jumping to conclusions about what other people are thinking of me? (Mind-reading)


Am I focusing on the negative and overlooking the positive? (Mental Filtering)


Am I discounting positive information or twisting a positive into a negative? (Disqualifying the positive)


Am I globally putting myself down as a failure, useless or worthless? (labelling)


Am I listening too much to my negative gut feelings instead of looking at the objective facts? (Emotional Reasoning)


Am I taking an event or someone's behaviour too personally or blaming myself and overlooking other factors? (Personalising)


Am I using words like 'should', 'must', 'ought' and 'have' in order to make rigid rules about myself, the world or other  people? (Demanding)


Am I telling myself that something is too difficult or unbearable or that 'I can't stand it', when actually it's hard to bear but it is bearable and worth tolerating? (Low Frustration Tolerance)

I don't have a clue where I got these questions from, I wish I did because they're reaffirming that I am suffering from anxiety (not anything more sinister!). Out of the 12 questions, I am guilty of 10 of them...that's a lot and far too negative! The good thing is I'm now able to recognise this and work on addressing it.