Cannot wait for this year to be over!

I really hate New Year, for me, it's the worst time of the year and I always cannot wait to get it over and done with. It's a time of the year where I feel incredibly lonely. I feel lonely all of the time but for some reason at new year this feeling intensifies. It's also a big occasion in Scotland and everyone goes out to celebrate it and I guess for me it symbolises all the things that I still cannot do. The last time I celebrated New Year was 8 years ago! An incredibly long time ago! This year, however, I cannot wait for New Year. 2011 has been one of my worst years ever. My anxiety came back with a vengeance and I've spent most of the year in fear or trying to find ways again to cope with how I've been feeling. I just want to get it over with now and have a fresh start in 2012.

I thought about making resolutions, which I usually do don't since I'm absolutely hopeless at sticking to them! Instead I have a list of things I would like to achieve or I would like to happen in 2012. The things on the list aren't rigid demands, if something changes or no longer suits then I will adapt it or discard it and not feel guilty or like I've failed. The things on the list are simple things like walking to the shop more; going further with the dog; looking after myself; making myself feel good; affirmations; relaxation etc. There's nothing drastic, just small things which I hope if I stick to could lead to an improvement in my anxiety & self esteem. If I go for weeks without doing the relaxation etc I just start again, no beating myself up. I've spent majority of my year doing that and it's got me nowhere. I need to look after myself and be kind to myself; after all if I'm not then who else will?

One thing I really am grateful for this year though is twitter. I've met some really lovely people in the last couple of months and without their kind words and support, I really don't know how I would have coped and they have made my world a little less scary & lonely - So, Thank you :)

I hope you all had a nice Christmas and wish you all a happy and healthy new year

L xx

Follow me on twitter?

I decided to set up a twitter account for my blog where, if you like, you can follow me and get updates on how things are going with my anxiety, how I'm coping with it, tweets when I'm out etc. It's probably easier to send out regular tweets about what I'm up to rather than keep writing long blogposts cause quite frankly when you're anxious you hardly have the concentration to read them, well I don't anyway.

If you would like to follow me, you can do so here. L x