Cannot wait for this year to be over!

I really hate New Year, for me, it's the worst time of the year and I always cannot wait to get it over and done with. It's a time of the year where I feel incredibly lonely. I feel lonely all of the time but for some reason at new year this feeling intensifies. It's also a big occasion in Scotland and everyone goes out to celebrate it and I guess for me it symbolises all the things that I still cannot do. The last time I celebrated New Year was 8 years ago! An incredibly long time ago! This year, however, I cannot wait for New Year. 2011 has been one of my worst years ever. My anxiety came back with a vengeance and I've spent most of the year in fear or trying to find ways again to cope with how I've been feeling. I just want to get it over with now and have a fresh start in 2012.

I thought about making resolutions, which I usually do don't since I'm absolutely hopeless at sticking to them! Instead I have a list of things I would like to achieve or I would like to happen in 2012. The things on the list aren't rigid demands, if something changes or no longer suits then I will adapt it or discard it and not feel guilty or like I've failed. The things on the list are simple things like walking to the shop more; going further with the dog; looking after myself; making myself feel good; affirmations; relaxation etc. There's nothing drastic, just small things which I hope if I stick to could lead to an improvement in my anxiety & self esteem. If I go for weeks without doing the relaxation etc I just start again, no beating myself up. I've spent majority of my year doing that and it's got me nowhere. I need to look after myself and be kind to myself; after all if I'm not then who else will?

One thing I really am grateful for this year though is twitter. I've met some really lovely people in the last couple of months and without their kind words and support, I really don't know how I would have coped and they have made my world a little less scary & lonely - So, Thank you :)

I hope you all had a nice Christmas and wish you all a happy and healthy new year

L xx