In January 2010 I went to see my Doctor about my anxiety (I'm sensing a theme here, January/February must be my worst time of year!) and left with a prescription with sertraline. I went to the pharmacy and collected the prescription but they sat in my drawer untouched for 9 months and then I binned them. I'm phobic of taking ANY kind of pill. I will sit in severe pain rather than take a pain killer (stupid, I know!) and anti-depressants have a really bad reputation for negative side effects. So sitting with the prescription again I'm having difficulty deciding whether I'm going to take them or not.
I don't actually know how anti-depressants affect anxiety and agoraphobia. Do they cure you? Will I be able to go out and not worry or panic? I tried to ask but she didn't answer it. So If I'm going to put myself through weeks of awful side effects is it going to have an effect and will it be worth it? I know as soon as I swallow the pill I'll panic. If the pills don't give me side effects, my head will! My family are pushing me to take them. In their opinion I've tried it my way for 7/8 years and that hasn't worked and I always said that anti-depressants would be my last option and in their minds now is the time for me to do it, I've tried everything else.
I should point out that I have tried anti-depressants years ago and had an awful experience which I won't go into detail about. Everyone is different and we all react to medications in different ways and anyway there are enough scary stories floating about the web on anti-depressants! Anyway, that experience is what made me pill-phobic. I'm scared that if I take the sertraline I will have the same experience.
Monday Is D-Day! I'm going to pick up the prescription and If I decide to take them, it will be on Monday. My doctor has suggested I go back and stay at my parents if I'm worried about having a repeat of the last time so that if anything does happen there's someone there. So I've arranged to stay there for maybe a week while my body and brain adjust to the tablets. The doctor also suggested that I take the tablets and give my Mum or Dad the leaflet with side effects so that I don't read it and think I have something (or more likely everything!) on the list. If I do experience anything they can check the leaflet and see if it's on it. I don't know I'll be able to stop myself from googling though!
Four days to decide what I'm going to do!... I'm anxious!!!
