I'm ill at the moment and haven't managed to get out the last 2 days - I am actually really, physically ill, not my usual anxious 'ill'. I can myself starting to get better which is great. I can't wait till I feel human again. I'm really surprised though that I've not been anxious though. Health anxiety causes me to be extremely anxious almost all of the time when I feel fine so when I am actually really ill, it usually moves up a gear but this time I've not really been anxious. I've had a couple of 'what if...?' moments but for the majority I've accepted that it's just a bug and within a few days it will pass. I'm feeling bad about not getting out but it genuinely can't be helped in this case, to just sit up straight has my head in agony. As the day has went on though I can feel myself starting to get a bit better so hopefully the worst is over!
Despite this though I am feeling really positive at the moment. I feel like I can cope again - always a good thing! - I don't feel like my life is going to be like this forever. I've been listening to music again, I've been able to hold a conversation and last night I got so engrossed in a tv programme I forgot to 'check' for any symptoms I was having. All positive signs. I'm still on the lookout for anxiety creeping back up but at the moment it's manageable. At the back of my mind I'm still thinking it can come back just as easily as it went away although I also realise that if I keep thinking about it and fearing it, I will cause myself to be anxious again. The best thing I can do is accept that it probably will come back and when it does I'll be fine.
I'm hoping to be feeling better tomorrow to start my target of going to the shop since I proved to myself the other day that I can do it and I can even do it without feeling anxious!
L x
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