Search

Monday 24 September 2012

Dating after agoraphobia

I developed agoraphobia at the age of 16 so I had never really had the chance to do the whole dating thing and while I was agoraphobic my self esteem was far too low to even consider dating or any kind of relationship. What guy would want to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't go out and was constantly anxious?

It's strange though because I craved a relationship and affection so much but I refused myself the chance of anything like that, although the offers were very limited anyway since I never left my home.

Since things have been going well lately and my confidence is increasing, dating has been something that has become a new focus in my life. A few months ago, I set up an account with an online dating site. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little sceptical about online dating and very cautious but it seems everyone is doing it!

I've been speaking to a lot of guys on there, some are nice to talk to, some make me laugh, some are good looking and at times some can be creepy. I have had quite a few offers of dates. In the beginning I was too anxious to arrange a date. 'what if he was a serial killer?', 'what if he's lied about who he is?' etc. however, last week after talking to a guy for a couple of weeks & checking out his Facebook account etc. we arranged to meet for a drink.

Last Friday we met in a local bar. Surprisingly, I wasn't nervous at all! I think I more too relieved that he actually looked the same in person. I was extremely worried that I may have had a panic attack - its been years since I had been in a bar and even longer since I had went out with practically a stranger and not someone I would consider a 'safe person'. Thankfully though, I didn't panic. There were times my anxiety rose and I felt on the verge of panicking but it never got out of control and I coped fine with it.

We stayed out for about 3 hours before calling it a night. He was a lovely guy but not my type and there wasn't a spark - sounds very cliched but I need a spark!! :-) I am very picky though which is annoying because I sometimes feel I'll never meet someone I like. He did ask my out again the next night and part of me wanted to go just for the sake of going out and testing my anxiety but I felt its be wrong especially as I knew I didn't feel anything for him.

The only downside of dating is the fact that I haven't mentioned my anxiety or agoraphobia to any of the guys I've spoken to. In a way I feel very deceitful but I don't want it to be a focus in this part of my life. I love talking to guys about 'normal' things. Every part of my life still centres in some way around anxiety/agoraphobia and I love that this doesn't. Obviously if I were to ever start a relationship with one of these guys then I would need to bring it up but as long as its just chatting and the odd date then I don't want to discuss it.

Wednesday 12 September 2012

'cured'?

It's been a long while since I've been on here and even
Longer since I updated this blog!

I guess I wanted to come back on and say that after 4+ months after starting sertraline things are continuing to go extremely well for me. I always swore that I didn't want to take medication for my anxiety. I was terrified of meds, even the thought of taking them was enough to have me in a panic but earlier this year my anxiety hit a new level and I knew that I had to at least try the medication and honestly I'm so glad I did!

In the last few months I've started going out on my own, going to appointments, shopping etc... I've been away on a week long break a few hours away from home, I've even been on a job interview!! I could only have dreamed about doing things like this a year ago. I still can't quite believe it when I jump in the car on my own and go wherever I want/or need to go. I no longer feel like a burden on other people or have to arrange things so that someone else can come with me. It really is amazing and has done wonders for my confidence.

I guess the only downside is that I do still have panic attacks is certain situations but I am still only on 50mg of sertraline which is the lowest dose. The panic attacks I do have don't happen all that often and I can always cope with them now. They don't worry me anymore or have any kind of hold over me. Since the 27th of April I have been out every single day, pushing myself to do something. In the beginning it was difficult and very strange but now it's natural. I no longer feel agoraphobic and I feel a lot more like my old self.

I felt the need to come on and update this as when I used to look up online for 'success stories' and hope that I could get better. There was very little to be found and it made me feel that I couldn't get better. I guess the truth is that when things are going well you're not really going to come on and say that.

I know that medication isn't the answer for everyone, and for me it was the last thing for me to try, so I guess I'm lucky it's worked! God only knows what I'd be like just now if it hadn't! But if your anxiety is at the stage where it's interfering with your life or you're struggling to cope please give it a chance. It's nowhere near as scary as you think it's going to be. I imagined all the worst side effects possible and I actually didn't really get any. I honestly wished I had done this years ago and saved myself the hell that I went through for years waiting to wake up and be miraculously better. There's so much that I feel I missed out on and I could have spared myself that. I'm looking forward to making up for though :-)

I wish you all the very best.

L x