Dating after agoraphobia

I developed agoraphobia at the age of 16 so I had never really had the chance to do the whole dating thing and while I was agoraphobic my self esteem was far too low to even consider dating or any kind of relationship. What guy would want to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't go out and was constantly anxious?

It's strange though because I craved a relationship and affection so much but I refused myself the chance of anything like that, although the offers were very limited anyway since I never left my home.

Since things have been going well lately and my confidence is increasing, dating has been something that has become a new focus in my life. A few months ago, I set up an account with an online dating site. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little sceptical about online dating and very cautious but it seems everyone is doing it!

I've been speaking to a lot of guys on there, some are nice to talk to, some make me laugh, some are good looking and at times some can be creepy. I have had quite a few offers of dates. In the beginning I was too anxious to arrange a date. 'what if he was a serial killer?', 'what if he's lied about who he is?' etc. however, last week after talking to a guy for a couple of weeks & checking out his Facebook account etc. we arranged to meet for a drink.

Last Friday we met in a local bar. Surprisingly, I wasn't nervous at all! I think I more too relieved that he actually looked the same in person. I was extremely worried that I may have had a panic attack - its been years since I had been in a bar and even longer since I had went out with practically a stranger and not someone I would consider a 'safe person'. Thankfully though, I didn't panic. There were times my anxiety rose and I felt on the verge of panicking but it never got out of control and I coped fine with it.

We stayed out for about 3 hours before calling it a night. He was a lovely guy but not my type and there wasn't a spark - sounds very cliched but I need a spark!! :-) I am very picky though which is annoying because I sometimes feel I'll never meet someone I like. He did ask my out again the next night and part of me wanted to go just for the sake of going out and testing my anxiety but I felt its be wrong especially as I knew I didn't feel anything for him.

The only downside of dating is the fact that I haven't mentioned my anxiety or agoraphobia to any of the guys I've spoken to. In a way I feel very deceitful but I don't want it to be a focus in this part of my life. I love talking to guys about 'normal' things. Every part of my life still centres in some way around anxiety/agoraphobia and I love that this doesn't. Obviously if I were to ever start a relationship with one of these guys then I would need to bring it up but as long as its just chatting and the odd date then I don't want to discuss it.