Small steps and General worrying

So it's been a good few weeks since I was last out (never thought i'd go back to that again!) to be honest the thought of going out is making me severely anxious and ill again so I've been avoiding it! Wrong thing to do I know but I seem to have lost all my energy to fight it at the moment. I'm hoping it makes an appearance again soon! Anyway yesterday my mum seemed to have had enough of me not doing anything to fight the way the I was feeling so I was made to go a drive in the car. We didn't drive far, it was about 2 miles there and then 2 miles back. I wasn't as anxious as I had anticipated but it was a constant battle with my anxious brain to stop thinking of all the possible terrifying things that could have possibly happened. I did manage it though and I feel more positive - after all it wasn't what I had expected, although it never is!

I mentioned previously that i'd been having stomach problems but wasn't sure if they were related to anxiety or not because i've never had any problems there before. The stomach problems have been causing me a bit of anxiety but this was intensified last week when I started suffering from rectal bleeding. With out going in to too much detail, I have had this before but this time was different - there was a lot more blood for a start. I've now had this happen 4 times in the last 10 days and I'm panicking about it. My head keeps telling me I have cancer and although highly unlikely there's a huge part of me that believes it. I can't think of anything else that would cause the stomach problems and the bleeding. After the first couple of times it happened my Mum made me an emergency appointment to see the doctor, which I then cancelled because it stopped and I didn't think it was an emergency. However, I have since made another appointment which is on Wednesday and to be honest it seems to dragging in!

Also on Wednesday I have my first appointment with the psychologist. I'm really hoping that this helps because I really feel like i'm falling to pieces at the moment.